Dominating Dependencies - Part 1
(Relationship, Drugs, Alcohol, Gambling, Internet) Addictions present some average and some unique characteristics and behaviors across the board, depending upon the behaviors and / or materials associated with the addiction. Let’s take a look at some average symptoms or traits and a little about how to commence getting aid for the more average addictions or dominating dependencies today. Odors related with the materials like cigarette or marijuana smoke are reasonably noticeable traits. Here are some maybe not so obvious: · Fatigue · Uncontrolled cravings · Wearing long sleeves (to cover needle marks) during hot weather · Hanging out with known addicts · Thoughts, actions – nearly everything- - focused on addiction · Nasal congestion (sniffing, nose bleeds…), eye modifications (redness, glassy, wears sunglasses when not needed, etc…) · Behavioral modifications (moodiness, mood swings with hyperactive, lethargy, violence, paranoia, secretive, confused ideas and actions) · Denial of use, addiction, etc. · Memory loss, distorted time · Stealing or excessive / unusual borrowing of funds · Unkempt appearance, truant / absenteeism from work, school, home… · Sudden modifications in school work and grades, job performance, regular behavior · Withdrawal from common activities, friends, family · Withdrawal symptoms: nausea, sweating, chills, convulsions, anxiety, nervousness, depression, headaches, hallucinations, diarrhea, restlessness / sleep disturbances, shaking (uncontrolled), sensitivity. Now for a look at how to commence getting aid for the more dominating dependencies today. RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION One main addiction facing a lot people because of the nature of its definition is association addiction or co-dependency. It is a learned dependent behavioral condition, generally with the existence of emotional, physical and / or sexual abuse, that affects people with or associated (not necessarily “blood related” but environmentally or socially) to those having alcohol or drug, gambling, sex, food, work or other dependencies, or the mentally ill. This unwell condition is learned from the abusers’ relationships and affects a person’s capability to have a healthy relationship. Co-dependent is related with “dysfunctional family” members or those feeling anger, shame, fear or pain mainly because of the addiction that is “unspoken” or discussed. The person or persons addicted are in denial and don’t admit their dependencies or troubles surrounding them. And those in relationships with them adapt this type behavior as well, keeping the “status quo” at an even keel to avoid confrontational issues and rock the boat. Co-dependent people repress their emotions and ignore their own requirements while being compulsive caretakers for the addicts. And as a result they become “survivors.” To aid keep addictions hidden, they distance themselves from the addict as well as the troubles associated with the addiction, and certain behaviors develop over time. Co-Dependent Behaviors / Traits Inhibited Emotions – Detachment occurs. Don’t touch, don’t feel, don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t confront. Keeping the addiction hidden becomes then entire focus of the addict’s family and / or others in co-dependent relationships, shifting all major focus of safety, health, and basically life to the ill person or addict. With the focus off themselves, the co-dependent people neglect their own safety, health…in short, lives. Self – Esteem – Low self-esteem is average among co-dependent people. To replacement something in the “real world” that would make them feel better, since their fantasy of the hidden addiction becomes their real world, they often become addicts themselves, diving into gambling, illicit sex, cigarette or marijuana smoking, work (becoming workaholics), or drugs and alcohol as well. Martyr – These caretakers take on a martyr role while trying to “help” the addict. But their exaggerated, compulsive behaviors that they think actually “help” others, in reality negate their supposed “help.” For example; a co-dependent person may think nothing of lying for his or her spouse or adult (or teen) children to cover up for theft to fund a drug addiction. Since this behavior does indeed “help” the addict – stay addicted, that is, the co-dependent person feels “needed” and a cycle of dependency develops around the addict – additive behavior / substance – caretaker – caretakers compulsive actions / behaviors. Victim - Co-dependent people feel caught up in the cycle of dependency and feel helpless to break free. They observe themselves as victims and are magnetically drawn to others in similar circumstances in their relationships. Confused – Because of the nature of the disorder, co-dependent people often confuse love with pity and rescuing. They hold on to unwell relationships at all costs to avoid feeling abandoned. They feel penitent when trying to be in control, yet they feel driven to control people around them. They desperately seek approval or to be recognized, in part because of their identity loss while trying to hide the addict and addiction problems. And in part because they don’t trust themselves or others with all of the lying going on, and can’t identify reality very well or trust their own feelings. (Outward displays of appreciation like rewards and approval aid ground them). Unhealthy emotions – Intimacy and personal boundaries become problematic, as escaping reality unfortunately comes with the need to find escape outlets. So dealing with intimate emotional issues like feeling loved can mean reaching out to the wrong person. Anger and how to deal with it also becomes a problem and can be misdirected – both internally, causing health troubles like ulcers, and externally, like in violent behaviors, because the person doesn’t know hope to cope or where to turn for help. And adapting to alteration is burdensome, with lack of effective communication skills and healthy decision-making tossed aside. So depression and anxiety-related emotions surface and fester. CO-DEPENDENCY HELP The key to getting aid for co-dependency is acknowledging the problem. Then seek help. Check out library books on co-dependency and to find useful resources. Search the Yellow Pages (under recovery programs, addiction recovery, etc.) and ask your healthcare provider or local hospitals and healthcare centers for more information and places to start. Also visit sites like the one for Co-Dependents Anonymous at www.coda.org (in Spanish and English) for contacts in your state, Frequently Asked Questions, meetings, list groups, useful literature and other tools like the 12-Steps used as a base or foundation in a lot recovery programs. For more website, simply conduct a quick search of words or phrases related with co-dependency. They will yield a lot sites, chat rooms, list groups, ezines and other useful resources to help in recovery. For example, using your favorite search engine, type in words like; co-dependency, co-dependent relationships, and codependent recovery. Also target groups and other resources related with the addiction(s)directly. Each addiction pretty much has its own network of restoring and recovery resources. For instance, there is Gamblers Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, Nar-Anon (for narcotics), etc. Online, simply key in the addiction and “anon” after it or “recovery” to obtain you started. DRUGS AND ALCOHOL ADDICTION Some people, both professionals and non-professionals or lay people, believe that there are three types of people who drink and use drugs; Social Users, Substance Abusers and Addicts. They consider Social Users those people who are supposedly trying to make something more out of otherwise positive, upbeat social situation – be it an interview, sporting event, date, family gathering or other activity where people are together. The user may be uncomfortable and try drugs to feel more at ease, to fit in, to feel less inhibited or any other number of mood-alterations, instead of simply not going or facing reality and participating in healthier situations for himself or herself. And supposedly, as a result of this social drug or alcohol use, these Social Users do not report negative consequences like being out of control or exhibiting any bad behaviors. Substance abusers, on the other hand, who supposedly use alcohol or drugs in light of negative experiences or episodes, as well as positive ones, report some negative effects. In general, though, instances seem relatively minor to them, like lampshades on heads or broken promises and after-party complaints. Sometimes only one negative issue will surface afterwards; sometimes a combination of issues will surface. Not much concrete to go on is characterized with this middle stage. |
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